The experts have been polled and the results are in: a positive parent-teacher relationship contributes to your child's school success.
正面有效的經營親師關係將有助於小朋友在學校學習的成功.
"Easier said than done," you may be thinking. After all, there are teachers your child will love and teachers your child may not. There are teachers you'll like and dislike as well. There are teachers who may adore your child, and those who just don't understand him. But whatever the case, your child's teacher is the second most important person in your child's life (after her parents, of course). And you can help make their relationship a strong and rewarding one.
"A positive parent-teacher relationship helps your child feel good about school and be successful in school," . "It demonstrates to your child that he can trust his teacher, because you do. This positive relationship makes a child feel like the important people in his life are working together."
Communicating well is a key factor for making this relationship work. "Communication on both sides is extremely important," . "The parents need information about what and how their child is learning, and the teacher needs important feedback from the parent about the child's academic and social development."
But communicating effectively with a busy teacher, who may have up to 30 kids in a class, can be challenging. When's the right time to talk — and when isn't? How can you get her attention? What should you bring up with her with and what should be left alone? How do you create a relationship with someone you may only see a few times a year? And how do you do this without coming across like an overanxious pain in the you-know-what?
Check out these strategies for making the relationship work.
Nurturing the Relationship
Try these strategies to build a positive relationship with your child's teacher.
Approach this relationship with respect. Treat the teacher-parent-child relationship the way you would any really important one in your life.
Create a problem-solving partnership, instead of confronting a teacher immediately with what's wrong. "Meet with a teacher to brainstorm and collaborate ways to help your child, instead of delivering a lecture,".
Let your child develop his own relationship with the teacher. "This is one of the first relationships with an adult your child may have outside the family unit. If you take a back seat and let the relationship develop without much interference, a special bond may develop," . "For young children, the teacher-child relationship is a love relationship," . "In fact, it may be their first love relationship after their parents and it can be pretty powerful and wonderful."
Try not to brag. Of course you think your child is brilliant, but bragging over her many accomplishments may send a message to the teacher that you think he may not be good enough to teach your child. "You don't need to sell your child to the teacher," . "you have to trust that your teacher will come to know what's important herself. Telling a teacher that your child loves to read will thrill the teacher. But challenging your teacher with statements like 'Susie read 70 books over the summer' or 'Matthew is a whiz at math,' may backfire."
Remember how you liked (or disliked) your teachers. Your experience at school is likely to affect your attitude toward your child's teacher. "It's important to leave your own baggage at the door, so you can talk about your child with the teacher (and not about you!)"
Talking with Teachers
Our experts (all teachers or school psychologists themselves) report on ways to approach teachers that will get their attention, and the ways that won't.
Find the right time to speak to the teacher. Always ask the teacher if she has time to talk at that moment, or better yet, when it might be convenient for her to do so.
If a conference is not coming up soon, ask if you can make an appointment for a brief conversation. "Don't expect to have an extended conversation during drop-off and pick-up," . "Mornings and after school can actually be quite hectic times. The teacher may appear free but she's not."
Write short, effective notes. If you want a quick response, keep your correspondence brief. Nobody (particularly teachers) has time to read more than one page, and a short paragraph will probably get the fastest response. Be specific about the issue and ask for guidance. For example, you might say, "Lucy's been having trouble with the math homework recently. She struggled for 30 minutes and then we stopped. Can we speak on the phone for a few minutes at your convenience about how to help?"
Make sure your message gets to the teacher. Handwritten notes, leaving occasional messages on teachers' voice mail or sending emails (if allowed by school policy) are effective ways to communicate. Sometimes mailing a note to the school can be the most reliable way to get information through, for parents who do not take their kids to school. But don't be upset if you don't get an immediate response. If you don't hear back after a few days, make sure your teacher got your communication, particularly if you sent it via your child.
Come prepared to conferences. Make a list in advance of what you want to discuss. Let the teacher know you have some questions and be specific: give concrete details that paint an objective picture of a problem. Instead of sweeping comments like "Denzel is having a terrible year," offer tangible data, like "at least three days a week, Denzel melts down while trying to do his math homework. He says 'I don't understand' and 'I'm stupid.'" This way you can collaborate with the teacher on solutions.
Discuss what matters most. Your teacher wants to know about how best to teach your child, so share what your child loves to learn about as well as any struggles he may have. This way, you can look at the whole picture of your child together. "Instead of focusing just on grades, focus on what your child loves, how he learns, and what he struggles with.
Think of specifics you can offer the teacher to help her teach your child and listen to what he has to say," . "If you have a report card to review, use it to brainstorm together how you can both support your child's learning, instead of dissecting each grade. Ask how your child functions in the classroom as a person. Does he make friends? How does he resolve conflicts?"
Supply data. Teachers will find comments from previous teachers useful, and giving this data is a non-threatening way to address issues. You might say, "Last year, Johnny's teacher noted he was struggling with attention issues. He was tested and this is how we are handling it." Or you might explain, "Betsy was put in a special reading group last year by Mr. Miller because he evaluated her and thought she needed more advanced books."
Accept your differences with your teacher. Recognize that your teacher may have a different style from you, but that doesn't make her a bad teacher. "Some teachers will be older and seasoned veterans, others will be younger and more idealistic.
There are lots of differences in styles of communication and educational philosophy. You will need to really listen to your child's teacher to get a sense of who he is,"
Ask what you can do to help. When discussing a problem your child may have, ask your teacher for specific ways you can help at home. Ask her to define what your role should be in the problem-solving partnership, making sure the teacher, parent, and child all play important roles.
Read School Memos
“Read the school memos, rules and schedules so you know what’s happening and what’s expected of your child and of you. Keep school information in one place, or better yet, in a loose-leaf binder so it doesn’t get lost. This information should help you answer your child’s questions about homework and school policies. This is the single most important thing you can do to foster a positive relationship with the school.”
Addressing Problems
There may be times when serious conflicts arise and you will need to meet with a teacher, a guidance counselor or principal to discuss them. Check out these ideas before you go to that meeting.
Acknowledge your child's feelings. "If you get repeated complaints that make sense, you do need to validate your child's feelings and then take some action,"a. "Unfortunately this may interfere with the trust you want to exist between parent and teacher, but in these extreme cases, your child needs to know that you take her feelings seriously."
Consider the teacher's point of view. While it's important to acknowledge your child's description of an event, you should also keep an open mind and listen to what the school has to say before making a judgment, particularly when serious complaints and discipline issues arise. "The story you may hear from your child may not be the whole gospel truth," . "It's usually a complex situation that requires a perspective from the teacher. But don't dismiss your child's complaint either."
Evaluate teachers fairly. There will be some teachers you may love and your child may dislike, there may be others your child may love, but you may not. "There are ways to work out a positive relationship with your child's teacher, even if you have issues about the teacher," . "Keep in mind that your child may feel very differently than you do, both positively and negatively. And your job is to advocate for your child and remember that you are not the one in the classroom, he is."
Meet with the administration. If a respectful meeting with the teacher does not produce solutions for your concerns, then you need to go to a guidance counselor or principal and say, "my child is having a difficult time," and explain why. Approach this meeting with specific information, and offer to brainstorm what can be done to help.
Describe specific incidents in a factual way. "You cannot expect immediate action, but it's important to give the feedback, and to ask the school system to address these issues with the teacher and find a solution that works for your child,"
Supporting Your Learner
Caught in a battle over homework? Or working around the clock with your child completing a school project? Wondering what to do when your child forgets to hand in an assignment — a few days in a row? Baffled by experts who tell us we should help our children enjoy school and become independent learners? "Great," you might think, "but how?"
"Our children become independent learners very gradually," . They learn at their own pace and you can support their process at home by nurturing what they are interested in and giving gentle guidance when they need assistance."
"What happens at home has a lot to do with supporting your child's success as a learner — and this goes way beyond making sure she gets her homework done or studies for the test. You want to help kids learn how to feel competent and positive about their learning. One way to begin is to help kids organize themselves (at their developmental level); create a schedule for doing their work and discover how they can follow it, so school work becomes a rich part of their after-school lives, but not the only part," .
While there's no magic recipe, there are ways to help kids plan their time, complete their homework, and make the most of school. These strategies can help you help your child get excited about learning (or at least get you through some tough spots along the way).
"Even if you disagree with a teacher, show her that you respect the profession because this will establish the basis for a productive relationship. A child can't really learn from a teacher if her parents don't respect the teacher and a teacher can't really teach a child if he thinks the parents don't respect him, so you want to create that trust, so those sacred learning moments will take place. In Finland, Italy and Japan, teachers are more respected by the entire culture, and as a result, kids perform better in school."
The Parent’s Role
Although a parent's role in their children's learning evolves as kids grow, one thing remains constant: we are our children's learning models. Our attitudes about education can inspire theirs and show them how to take charge of their own educational journey.
Be a role model for learning. In the early years, parents are their children's first teachers — exploring nature, reading together, cooking together, and counting together.
When a young child begins formal school, the parent's job is to show him how school can extend the learning you began together at home, and how exciting and meaningful this learning can be.
As preschoolers grow into school age kids, parents become their children's learning coaches. Through guidance and reminders, parents help their kids organize their time and support their desires to learn new things in and out of school.
Pay attention to what your child loves. "One of the most important things a parent can do is notice her child. Is he a talker or is he shy? Find out what interests him and help him explore it. Let your child show you the way he likes to learn," .
Tune into how your child learns. Many children use a combination of modalities to study and learn. Some learn visually through making and seeing pictures, others through tactile experiences, like building block towers and working with clay. Still others are auditory learners who pay most attention to what they hear. And they may not learn the same way their siblings (or you) do.
By paying attention to how your child learns, you may be able to pique his interest and explain tough topics by drawing pictures together, creating charts, building models, singing songs and even making up rhymes.
Practice what your child learns at school. Many teachers encourage parents to go over what their young children are learning in a non-pressured way and to practice what they may need extra help with. This doesn't mean drilling them for success, but it may mean going over basic counting skills, multiplication tables or letter recognition, depending on the needs and learning level of your child. "There may be times to review, but don't take on the role of drill master," . " And when you do review it should feel as if your child wants to be a part of the practice."
Set aside time to read together. Read aloud regularly, even to older kids. If your child is a reluctant reader, reading aloud will expose her to the structure and vocabulary of good literature and get her interested in reading more. "Reading the first two chapters of a book together can help, because these are often the toughest in terms of plot," notes Susan Becker, M. Ed. "Also try alternating: you read one chapter aloud, she reads another to herself. And let kids pick the books they like. Book series are great for reluctant readers. It's OK to read easy, interesting books instead of harder novels."
Connect what your child learns to everyday life. Make learning part of your child's everyday experience, especially when it comes out of your child's natural questions. When you cook together, do measuring math. When you drive in the car, count license plates and talk about the states. When you turn on the blender, explore how it works together. When your child studies the weather, talk about why it was so hot at the beach. Have give-and-take conversations, listening to your child's ideas instead of pouring information into their heads.
Connect what your child learns to the world. Find age-appropriate ways to help your older child connect his school learning to world events. Start by asking questions. For example, ask a second-grader if she knows about a recent event, and what's she heard. Then ask what she could do to help (such as sending supplies to hurricane victims). You might ask a younger child if he's heard about anything the news, and find out what he knows. This will help your child become a caring learner.
Help your child take charge of his learning. "We want to keep children in charge of their learning and become responsible for it," says Dalton Miller-Jones, Ph.D. "We want them to be responsible for their successes and failures, show them how engaging learning is, and that the motivations for learning should be the child's intrinsic interests, not an external reward."
Don't over-schedule your child. While you may want to supplement school with outside activities, be judicious about how much you let or urge your child to do. Kids need downtime as much as they may need to pursue extra-curricular activities. "If a child has homework and organized sports and a music lesson and is part of a youth group in church or synagogue, it can quickly become a joyless race from one thing to another. Therefore, monitor your child to see that he is truly enjoying what he is doing. If he isn't, cut something off the schedule," advises Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Keep TV to a minimum. "Watching lots of TV does not give children the chance to develop their own interests and explore on their own, because it controls the agenda," advises Diane Levin, Ph.D. "However, unstructured time with books, toys, crafts and friends allows children to learn how to be in charge of their agenda, and to develop their own interests, skills, solutions and expertise."
Learn something new yourself. Learning something new yourself is a great way to model the learning process for your child. Take up a new language or craft, or read about an unfamiliar topic. Show your child what you are learning and how you may be struggling. You'll gain a better understanding of what your child is going through and your child may learn study skills by watching you study. You might even establish a joint study time.
The Whole Child
"The teacher may have up to 30 kids in her class, and you may have only two or three at home. So don't expect her to know your child as well as you do, but respect what your teacher knows, as she sees your child function in ways you rarely will. The relationships are not equal, but each of you has something important to contribute to a picture of 'the whole child.'"
It's the Chemistry
"In the end, there is a fit between child and teacher. Some fits are good, some are not. Keep in mind that this is an arranged marriage and both sides have to work at it. The teacher can't expect that all children will adapt to her and parents can't expect that all teachers will adapt to their child.
The teacher has to reach out to the child and the child has to learn the patterns and behaviors of the teacher. Parents have to help the child realize that the teacher is just a person with strengths and limitations. The teacher needs to learn the same about the child. Everything about good teaching is meeting in the middle."
"The motivation for learning should be the child's intrinsic interest, not an external reward. And with school work, this can sometimes be a real challenge, because not everything a child is asked to do will be interesting to every child.
To help your child become self-motivated and self-analytic, give specific feedback instead of vague praise and rewards. Instead of saying, 'great job on the homework,' describe what you thought was great about it. Instead of saying, 'you didn't write enough of an answer,' ask your child to supply more details about the plot. In this way, children will be able to take ownership of their learning and of what they produced."
The Learning Environment
“Parents can inspire kids to grow up to love learning and do well in school, by paying less attention to the actual specifics of the homework, but instead by creating learning-rich environments in and outside of the home. Flash cards and learning CD-ROMs are not the only things that promote learners. And they may not be the best ones.
Instead, start by turning off the TV and limit the viewing. Read with your child. Experience the world together—take nature walks, go to museums and the theater, watch old movies, and then read some more.”
